Feeling feelings – how does that actually work?

Excursus: Feeling feelings: In the inquiry into fetters we often work with body sensations. But what exactly are body sensations and how can we feel them?

What comes very easily to some can be a real challenge for others. Not everyone is aware of their body sensations. Not everyone is used to simply allowing feelings to arise. Especially when it comes to unpleasant sensations, we have learned to suppress or ignore them.

Feeling feelings

Feelings, emotions, body sensations – what are they exactly?

There are many different definitions of these terms.

In our context here, it is the following:

A feeling is a body sensation + a name.

Emotion is simply another name for feeling.

Both terms are based on body sensations.

So if we want to feel feelings, we have to sense the body sensations.

Children find it very easy to feel. Emotions flow quickly through their bodies, and so they may be crying one moment and laughing loudly the next.

Over time, however, we learn for a variety of reasons that it is better not to show some feelings, and then we try not to feel them at all.

Speaking from my own experience, I am not a psychologist or a psychotherapist.

When we suppress or ignore feelings, they no longer flow easily through the body but get stuck somewhere. These stuck feelings are often linked to painful stories that can be triggered again and again, leading to reactions that are also painful. For some, it is more; for others, it is less. So deep emotional wounds can settle in the body that may only be healed with professional help.

So don’t be afraid to seek help if you can’t deal with these injuries on your own.

On the way through the 10 fetters we will encounter many of these injuries. On the path to awakening and even after that, they will all want to show themselves and be felt. This can be very painful at first – and then very liberating.

Feelings are not thoughts

It is very important to understand or experience that feelings are not thoughts!

Feelings are in the body – not in the head. We will not achieve anything by thinking about them.

To feel feelings, it is not important to understand where they come from, what triggers them, what stories are behind them. We do not analyze them, do not treat them, do not make them bigger or smaller. This is not therapy. It is only about feeling.

Again, because this is so important and often ignored, because we tend so much to explain and analyze our feelings: It’s just about feeling!

And again: If the feelings are too strong and you can’t stand them or can’t stand them at all, then it is appropriate to seek help, for example in the form of therapy.

Feelings are in the body

Feelings are in the body, maybe they are even the body itself. They are sensations, such as tension, relaxation, tension, pressure, warmth, cold, tingling, numbness, narrowness, width, …

Try to feel these body sensations:

Sit or lie down in a relaxed position. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in and out. Now direct your attention to where you feel tension (in the body). Perhaps in the neck or shoulders? Then ask yourself: What kind of feeling is it? What name does this sensation have? Don’t think about it. Wait. Observe. Thoughts may arise in the form of images or stories that try to explain or analyze the physical sensation. Let these thoughts be there, let them pass, do not pay any further attention to them. Keep directing your attention to the feeling of tension. If no name for the sensation arises, that’s okay.

Then also search for the other sensations in the body:

Direct your attention to where you feel pressure, then to where you feel warmth, etc.

Over time, you will learn to feel body sensations (again) and to allow them.

You can’t do anything right or wrong, you just do it the way you do it. If you don’t succeed in feeling body sensations or feelings in this way, that’s okay. Then it’s just not the method that’s right for you.

Allowing feelings

We notice that body sensations are always there. In every moment. Sometimes more, sometimes less. The more practice we get at sensing them, the more often it will happen that old emotions stuck somewhere in the body can be felt as well.

When this happens, we try to give them as much space as possible. Maybe we can pause for a moment and pay attention to them? See where they are (in the body), how they feel – in other words, what body sensations can be felt.

It is perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed at times, to be afraid of this old, painful feeling. We then simply try to feel the sensation for a brief moment and are grateful for it and proud of ourselves. The next time, we may feel it for a moment longer. This way, the fear of the feeling slowly diminishes.

Being able to feel a painful sensation even for a brief moment is a great thing!

Take it slowly, give yourself enough time and stop as soon as it gets exhausting or too uncomfortable. You can stop by turning your attention to something else. For example, to seeing. Raise your head, open your eyes and see what there is to see around you.

Example

I suddenly feel tension. Pressure. I stop moving. Pause. It’s somewhere in my stomach. It’s heavy. Oppressive. Inner images arise. A vague story. A memory. Now I feel tired, totally exhausted. There’s a heaviness. I let it be there. Hold on to feeling it for a moment. It is sadness. Yes, I am sad! What does the sadness want? Does it want to tell me something?

Anger, resentment, frustration

There is a difference between allowing feelings and acting out feelings. Acting out, for example, hitting a pillow when we are angry, screaming, or slamming doors in an argument, has nothing to do with feeling and allowing feelings. These are reactions that cover up the original feeling and thus suppress it.

Even if we try to control our anger, we suppress the underlying feeling and it is not possible for us to feel it.

So let us also learn to endure and feel anger, annoyance or frustration.

When the anger arises, sit or lie down, relaxed. Close your eyes. Breathe in and out deeply. Now direct your attention to where you feel the anger (in the body). What does anger feel like? What sensations can be felt? Then ask yourself: What does the anger want? Wait and watch. Of course, thoughts will immediately appear and try to explain and analyze the anger. Let these thoughts be there, let them pass, don’t pay any further attention to them. Keep directing your attention to the feeling of anger.

Head people

When we learn not to show certain feelings, we develop avoidance strategies or even survival strategies. For example, we can flee from our feelings into our thoughts, simply because we are afraid of feeling certain feelings.

Even head people can learn to feel feelings again. Perhaps with a little more patience. Head people can do physical exercises, such as stretching. They help to get back in touch with body sensations. For example, when we stretch our neck, we feel tension there. When we press our hands together, we feel pressure, etc. This is how we learn what the sensations feel like and after the stretching exercises we can go on a search (in the body) to see if we can find tension, pressure, warmth, etc.

Triggers

So-called triggers awaken suppressed feelings in us, for example from childhood. Someone may remind us of our father or mother. Or the situation we are experiencing may remind us of a particular, perhaps painful, situation. These memories are associated with feelings that we did not allow, could not or were not allowed to admit at the time.

We can see these triggers as an invitation to revisit these feelings, to allow them, to feel them.

Some say that life keeps triggering us until we have faced, allowed, and felt these emotions. So we should try to face them. This means to try to no longer ignore them and to feel them instead.

Inquiry

When we find these triggers and are willing to feel the sensations, we can use them to investigate desire and aversion.

The inquiry takes a slightly different form, but the first step is to be able to feel body sensations.


Desire and aversion are the most profound fetters. They are the assumptions that we have a penchant for pleasant sensations and that we want to avoid all unpleasant ones.