Adrienne

[Adrienne]

Hi Steffi

I’m going to take a break.

Adrienne

[Steffi]

Dear Adrienne!
I’m sorry it took me so long to answer. I was in Bremen with my family because my uncle passed away.
Yes, take a break. I had already asked you whether it would be possible. Just let the inquiry rest completely and don’t write anything more here. Just observe whether and when the I-feeling arises. Write down when it arises, where and how it feels.
Do this until December 9. On December 9 at 7:30 pm Berlin time, you are cordially invited to join the English-speaking group of those who are inquiring into the fetters with me and Christiane. Let me know if this works for you.

🙂 Steffi

[Adrienne]

Hi Steffi

I’m sorry about your uncle. Please accept my condolences.
Yes, I will take a break.
December 9 is fine with me. Is this the same group? How do I join? What about the November open fetter group?

Adrienne

[Steffi]

Thank you, Adrienne!

I am sending you a link to register for the meeting via Facebook. It is not the same group. The group that is guided by me through the fetters meets. The meeting takes place in Christiane’s Zoom room.

You can also join the Open Fetter Group – up to you.

🙂

[Adrienne]

Hi Steffi

Is there a sense of self? The mind refuses to understand this question. What is the sense of self? What is it? Is it me writing this? What does this question mean? What’s going on? Am I just not honest here? Am I lying to myself? Am I denying the sense of self? I can’t put my finger on this sense of self. There is a body that is alive. There are sensations and thoughts. But where is the sense of me?

Please help.

Adrienne

[Adrienne]

Hi Steffi

I think I finally found the sense of self. It’s the automatic and unquestioned belief that I am talking in the head, that I am moving the body, and that everything is happening to me.
I often catch myself believing that I am the thinker, the doer and the experiencer. But when I notice it, I no longer believe it. There is a sense of self while it is automatic, unconscious, unquestioned.
What is the best way forward?

Adrienne

[Steffi]

Dear Adrienne! Wow… what a change. What happend that you found the sense of self? Was it somehow hidden, or overseen? Or was there a missleading or missunderstanding?

You describe the sense of self very well. And yes, when you notice the believing you no longer belief it, but it is there.

When the sense of self show up next time, then look at it. Where is it? Can you locate it? Is it a thought? A feeling? A body sensation?

[Adrienne]

Hi Steffi

Nothing really happened. I just really wanted to find the sense of self. What the hell is it? Then it was obvious.
It seems like it is automatic, habitual thinking. As if by a machine, the stories are produced in quick succession on a conveyor belt and appear under the radar, so to speak. Then, wait a minute!! Who is this I person??? It’s a bit like having a split mind. One – unconscious, automatic, habitual, chattering, and the other – alert, questioning, and quiet. It seems like awakening is about awakening and strengthening this second mind, to make it stronger than the first mind.
I will continue to observe the sense of self. Does it have a body component? Or a feeling component? My guess is that when I am triggered, the body sensations and the feeling component are there, but when everything is calm, it’s only thoughts.
Adrienne

[Adrienne]

There is a strong sense of self in the first, automatic, „unnoticed“ mind, but there is absolutely no sense of self in the second, alert mind. Earlier, when I was asking myself „Is there a sense of self?“, there was none because this question can only be asked from the second mind. Is the only way forward noticing again and again when the first mind is selfing and questioning it again and again until it sees that the self is an illusion?

Adrienne

[Adrienne]

As the mind gets more and more quiet, the hitherto unnoticed selfing thoughts become more and more visible. There seems to be more energy in the mind, shedding its light onto more and more dark areas, driving out all unquestioned, automatic thinking.

Adrienne

[Adrienne]

Hi Steffi

When reactions happen they have a force. They seem unstoppable. The body gets tense, the thoughts are going crazy and the body speaks and acts accordingly. Feeling the body sensations, asking if there is a sense of self, if there is a reason to react. Nothing helps. 🙁

Adrienne

[Steffi]

Dear Adrienne!

Did you already worked with direct experience?

[Adrienne]

Hi Steffi

I don’t understand your question. What does it mean to work with direct experience?

Adrienne

[Adrienne]

Hi Steffi

The sense of self to me was always the sense of „I am“, the sense of aliveness/being/presence. I was always investigating this sense, and I couldn’t find any ME in it. That’s why I didn’t understand the question „Is there a sense of self?“, or „Am I doing this?“ because there was this something (being/aliveness) that I couldn’t put my finger on, that is beyond the mind, that was obviously selfless when investigated. The self comes in when I am not investigating, not inquiring, not questioning. It sneaks in under the radar in a habitual and semi-conscious way.

Adrienne

[Adrienne]

Hi Steffi

I have started self-inquiry again. I am going through my list of questions very slowly. Today I was investigating the sense of me in direct experience. This is what I came to: there is no ME in direct experience, but there is an assumption of an experiencer ME. This assumption or thought is so deeply buried in the psyche that it almost feels visceral, as if a sense or a sensation of something real. But it’s only a thought.
Adrienne

[Autor]

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