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Dear Steffi
This is my Friday entry.
Self-inquiry happened in every free moment. The question that was found most intriguing was „Is there a me separate from what’s happening?“ It is obvious that there is only a continuos flow of sensations. Seeing, hearing, smelling, body sensations, thoughts. Even thoughts are sensations too. Even the I-thought is just part of this continuous flow of sensations. Is there an observer separate from this flow? No, because the observer is just a thought, which is just part of the flow. There is nothing outside the flow. Everything is either a sight, a noise, a smell, a touch, a taste, other body sensations, or thoughts. There is nothing else.
There is a thought that says, „But I still feel separate“. This „I“, however, doesn’t exist. It is only a thought. How could a thought feel anything?
There was no frustration today. On the other hand, there is still reactivity – getting irritated. Automatic reaction of the body to certain stimuli, like my son shouting loudly close to me. There is a thought saying, „I wonder if reactivity will ever stop“.Adrienne
I will not abandon the inquiry, even if it feels unpleasant.
I am ready to question all my beliefs and be 100% honest.
I will concentrate fully on my inquiry.
Something seems to be happening. There is clear seeing that the I is just a label, just a character in a story. The mind is very quiet. Thoughts are usually teaching related or self-inquiry. There are some self-referential thoughts, but they are immediately questioned by other thoughts. There is somehow no more frustration.Adrienne
Dear Steffi
I am so grateful for your help. It is so kind and generous of you! Thank you.
Yes, I am ready to make this my top priority. In fact, it has been my top priority for two years.
Yes, I will write to you daily.
I haven’t been reading much lately, only Christiane’s book and Gateless Gatecrashers. I will put all books aside.
I haven’t been watching many videos on spirituality because I don’t find them interesting any more. I won’t watch any more.
I don’t go to any satsangs. I am not a member of any group any more.
The only practice I have is meditation. It feels so nice to meditate. Are you asking me to stop meditating?Hi Steffi
Thank you very much. That would be awesome! I teach Hungarian to foreigners and English to Hungarians. I was a teacher before my son was born, and now that he’s 14, I have started teaching again, giving free lessons. However, one of my students recently offered to pay.
I have been reading Gateless Gatecrashers and working with the questions. Everything is so clear and obvious. The mind has never been so quiet.
Adrienne
Hi Steffi
I would so much like to be guided by you in a more intensive way. I will have to see if I can pay the £80 contribution per month. I might not be able to. I am a homemaker, home educating my son. I haven’t got any income at all, only child benefit. However, I recently started giving private lessons, and my student might start to pay soon. How reliable that will be I don’t know.
I will let you know what’s happening.
Saying out loud „There is no self!“ feels familiar. I have known this for a while. Nothing is shifting though. Piles of frustration getting in the way. Will try to focus more.Adrienne
Hi Steffi
I am doing Christiane’s exercises. I have done these many times before, and I have seen what had to be seen. The only new thing so far is that it is clear now that awareness is a concept and it is not in direct experience. Hearing a sound is the same as knowing a sound. In fact, there is only the sound.
Adrienne
Hi Steffi
There is a strong feeling sometimes that something is deeply wrong here, that things are not okay. It is a deep dissatisfaction with everything. It is a thought and an unpleasant sensation in the body. It is one manifestation of the I belief. On the other hand, there is an equally strong belief in no self. And in between, frustration.
Adrienne
Hi Steffi
Please tell me more about the daily 1:1. How does it work? Can’t you be my guide? How much does it cost? And what makes you think that I still have a lot to work through?
There is no expectation here that thoughts should cease. It is just my own experience that the mind is getting quieter and quieter.
What is awareness? The way I see it, it is an openness, a receptivity to phenomena.
Adrienne
For whom is a thought conscious?
What is it that hears thoughts? It is not another thought. Thoughts appear in awareness, which is able to detect the appearance of phenomena. Awareness is not „me“ because „me“ is a thought and awareness is not a thought. Awareness is definitely here though. It is inseparable from the phenomena that appear in it, but it is not merely experiencing. It is also the capacity, the openness for these phenomena, the potential for experiencing.What is it that can stop thoughts following a distressing route?
It is an intention to be more positive. This intention came from the unconscious mind because the conditioning was changed by a book the bodymind read.
Also, thoughts are somehow more easily let go of as „only thoughts“ by other thoughts.What is the difference between mind and thoughts? What is the mind?
Good question. What appears here is that the mind is the functioning of the brain. That there are conscious and unconscious mind processes. Thoughts appear in consciousness. The body seems to operate from the unconscious mind. The thoughts that appear in consciousness also come from the unconscious mind. They are there for all the unconscious subminds to see. All this, of course, comes from books and not from direct experience. In DE there is no brain, no mind, only thoughts that appear from nowhere. In DE there is no difference between thoughts and mind. However, it is clear that processes like breathing, blinking, or the heart beating, happen unconsciously. So logic suggests that there must be an unconscious mind, that thoughts and the mind are not the same.Can you make the decision not to think?
The decision would appear in awareness on its own. Not „my“ decision. The mind is so quiet now that there wouldn’t be any thought for a while – but then a thought would come, unstoppable. Through meditation, the mind can be trained to have fewer and fewer thoughts, until all is quiet. Intention to meditate or to train the mind appears on its own. Everything just appears in awareness by itself.Can you predict what thought will come next? No, absolutely not.
Can you prevent it from appearing if you don’t like it?
No, of course not.
Can you eliminate a thought once it has appeared?
There seems to be something that can stop an especially distressing thought, or at least not go down the route the thought is pointing to. This seeming ability was developed in the past year. But there is no-one doing it. And it doesn’t always work.
