When Desire and Aversion Are Investigated – and the Self Is Still Active

When the mind jumps and focus seems impossible, it can look like something’s wrong. But often it just shows that the self hasn’t been fully seen through – and is still trying to protect itself.

Sometimes the investigation of desire and aversion begins while the illusion of self is still intact. That’s not a mistake – it’s actually an important part of the process. Because here it becomes very clear where the sense of self is still active.

It often looks like this: The mind keeps jumping from one topic to another. Emotions shift quickly, new stories appear before the previous one is fully seen. The moment something feels uncomfortable, the system looks for distraction – a memory, an idea, a new insight, anything to ease the tension.

This restlessness isn’t a sign of failure. It simply shows that the I still believes it needs to protect itself. It’s seeking relief, not truth. And that’s how we can tell the illusion isn’t seen through yet.

As long as the I is still felt as someone – the one who looks, understands, tries to get it right – the investigation of desire and aversion can’t be steady. Attention keeps moving away from direct experience into thoughts about experience. The center hasn’t dissolved yet.

After seeing through, this changes naturally. There’s no more inner running away. Desire and aversion can be seen clearly, without pushing or explaining them. Focus appears by itself – simply because no one is left who needs to control or avoid anything.

In short:
– Where is this stage? In the first fetter.
– Where does the self hide? In shifting roles and stories – the one who wants to understand, the one who feels ashamed, the one who defends.
– What’s happening? The I seeks comfort instead of seeing what is.

---